the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
