I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
