Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
