He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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