she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
