____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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