I'm pants shitting drunk right now
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
