i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
