i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
