literally had 100 drinks last night.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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