the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
