The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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