I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I don't deserve a penis
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
