Heybabeimwearingurpanties
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
