The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
