she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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