Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
