At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
