yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
