I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
