so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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