I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
