i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
