Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Randomize
