when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
