Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
