ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
