she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
