he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
