Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I can't put those talents on a resume
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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