does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I wanna passion pit in your ass
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
