There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
