You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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