its not stalking. its research.
you traded sex for a burrito?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
