I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
