His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
