3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
