Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
