i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
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That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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