I could make wine with my vomit
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
