yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
