I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Drunk is not a location!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
