People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
