ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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