my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
