She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
