her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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