i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
