Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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