Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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