low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
