So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just want to make out with him forever
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
