did you get engaged???
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
