i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
