I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
