Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
