i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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