There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
