Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Boobs speak an international language.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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