I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
