Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
