I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
We need a shit load of segways right now
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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