dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
