Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
