I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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